One of the members of my dojo just recently passed his 1st-kyu test. When I had asked him how it went, he had related a exchange he had with another dojo member– that the tests are not really tests. They’re more like demonstrations, to show what you know about aikido at a particular point. “Demonstration” sounded less frightening than “test,” so with this concept in mind, he said, he “demonstrated” his 1st-kyu test. I do like that philosophy.
I haven’t been writing much about aikido lately because I haven’t been feeling good about going. In the past, even if there were days when I didn’t feel like going out to the dojo, I made myself go, and I always ended up being glad I went. I got a rush from practicing. I enjoyed the close-knit community. I always learned something new and was dedicated to learning more.
Nowadays, I feel like my heart’s not in it anymore. Granted, my practice schedule lately has been erratic, due to things at work and being sick, but I’ve been feeling pretty lackluster about practice for months now. I had thought that I was just coming down from the adrenaline from working on my black belt test, but I think I would have felt more back in the swing of things by now.
I don’t want to quit aikido just yet. I do still feel part of this community, and I don’t want to leave that. But I feel like I’ve lost that something that I once enjoyed from practice.
I plan on talking with my mentor and my teacher about this, but I would appreciate any advice you all might have.